


Fifty Shades of Calzona

by Calzonafan2014



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-18 14:31:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3573158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calzonafan2014/pseuds/Calzonafan2014
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calzona are back. They are almost better than ever. But in one of their final therapy sessions they get an interesting assignment that unlocks some long-hidden secrets that could tear them apart, or finally help make their pieces fit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Therapy**

Callie’s arm rested comfortably across Arizona’s shoulders on the back of the couch while Arizona rubbed her leg as they waited for Dr. Dawson to arrive. Arizona checked to see that the door was still closed and then she leaned into Callie and whispered into her ear. “Are you sure this is how you want to spend the next fifty minutes?”

Arizona grinned as she sucked Callie’s earlobe into her mouth. Callie’s eyes flared open in surprise and she checked the door, but didn’t do a thing to stop her.

Callie cleared her throat. “We agreed. I thought we agreed to one final session,” Arizona didn’t respond, just allowed her hand to roam slightly higher up Callie’s thigh.

“Um hm.” Arizona hummed.

The jiggle of the handle had Arizona quickly repositioning herself and she smiled brightly at Dr. Dawson even as Callie coughed.

Doctor Dawson smiled back, not at all fooled. “You’ve made a lot of progress in these past few months. How do you both feel?”

Callie and Arizona looked to the other and smiles bloomed as they linked hands and turned back to their therapist.

“Good.”

“Amazing.”

Dr. Dawson nodded and smiled along with them as she took her seat across. “That’s what I thought. And that means I think you’re both finally ready to tackle one consistent problem.”

“I’ve given up hope of Arizona ever emptying the dishwasher,” Callie joked.

“I wouldn’t talk Miss I can’t fold a towel.” Callie and Arizona smirked at each other, practically giddy.

“I’m talking about control.”

Smiles dropped. “What about it?” They asked in unison.

“You both really, really like it.”

Momentary silence and then Callie leaned back and crossed her arms, sending a pointed look to Arizona, “She’s calling us control freaks.”

“I’d like to propose an exercise.”

\-----

Standing outside their favorite ‘specialty shop’ Arizona stopped Callie from entering.

“You know we don’t have to do this. Doctor Dawson said that we’ve made great progress. Everything is so much better than it’s ever been. So why don’t we just grab some body paint and pretend that we…”

“You’re just saying that because my rock broke your scissors and then my scissors cut your paper into teeny tiny little pieces.”

Arizona pouted, “Maybe.”

Callie smiled, “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“You know - turn about is fair play.”

“Oh, I am counting on it.”

\--

**Bedroom ******

“Are you okay, it’s not too tight?” Callie asked.

“I’m good.”

“You sure?”

Arizona swallowed hard even as she nodded. She wasn’t sure why she was so freaked out by this. She trusted Callie more than anyone else on the planet. She knew she wouldn’t hurt her. And they even had a safe word.

“You know if you need to stop all you have to do is say…”

“Pizza. I know. I’m fine. You can start now.”

Callie smirked. “Who says I haven’t?”

Arizona couldn’t see Callie’s expression beneath the blindfold, but she could feel Callie’s giddiness at having her trussed up like this, open and vulnerable in a way that maybe she’d never truly been. And just like that Arizona’s entire body relaxed, and she smiled.

Callie had the ostrich feather tickler in her hand ready to begin, but Arizona’s soft smile and infinite trust made her pause for just a moment and she leaned down, hovered above Arizona’s mouth for a second, and softly kissed her.

“I love you,” Callie said.

Arizona nodded.

“I love you too. Now, do your worst.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

\---

And boy did she ever. Arizona jerked helplessly when Callie brushed against her clitoris after her fifth, or was it sixth, orgasm. She’d lost count. Callie had found the sweet spot and once she’d gone over she hadn’t given her more than thirty seconds to come back down before revving her up again. Her whole body felt like one massive nerve ending. The brush of the feather across her lower abdomen caused her stomach muscles to flutter once and then again and then a third time before Callie moved to her other side and did it again.

“Callie.”

“I’m busy.”

“I don’t know how much more…”

Arizona felt the brush of a dildo at her core and her body automatically flexed to accommodate. Then she felt the weight of Callie’s body settle on top of her at the same time her blindfold was removed and she could finally see Calliope’s beautiful eyes staring down at her.

She blinked slowly as Callie rested there. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Once more?” Callie asked. And Arizona nodded. Once more.

\-----

“Stop.” Arizona heard Callie, of course, but she was busy worshiping her body and so she didn’t look up.

‘Stop, please.” Callie whispered again and Arizona glanced up at her in surprise, assuming she was playing.

But Callie wasn’t. She was starting to fight with her bonds and struggle and Arizona was already moving to untie her when Callie shouted “Pizza! Pizza! Please. Please.”

Arizona untied the bonds as rapidly as she could. The second Callie’s hand was free she removed the blindfold. Arizona caught sight of her stricken face, tears leaking, but once she’d untied the last of her legs Callie scrambled off of their bed and bolted for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Arizona stared helplessly at the door before she collapsed back onto their bed in defeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Therapy**

The previous night, after Callie had finally come out of the bathroom and slunk off to sleep in their guest bedroom, Arizona left an urgent message for Dr. Dawson who had quickly called back and agreed to see them first thing this AM. Arizona had worried that Callie would protest, but instead she’d been unusually docile and simply followed along quietly as Arizona had ruthlessly organized their morning, pushing back surgeries and setting up Sofia with her favorite babysitter. 

Sitting together again on Dr. Dawson’s couch, Arizona refused to allow Callie to scrunch away from her. Instead, she grabbed Callie’s hand in hers and willed her to meet her gaze.

“Honey, it’s okay.” 

Callie looked…broken, but Arizona felt the tension start to drain away as she smiled encouragingly. 

Doctor Dawson finally stepped into the room and as usual, she cut right to the point.

“So, I hear we’ve had a minor set-back.”

“Is that what she told you?” Callie asked.

“Callie, it’s…”

“I failed.“

“Calliope, you didn’t…”

“I didn’t even last five minutes Arizona! I choked.”

“That is not at all an unusual response. A lot of people find it difficult to give up control,” Dr. Dawson said.

“But that’s not me! I’m not a control freak.” 

Arizona’s expression may have conveyed a slightly different sentiment.

“What? You think I’m a control freak?”

“Not freak. Control…bad ass.” Arizona tried offering a winsome smile to soften the sting. No go. “Callie, if anyone can understand…”

“But you passed! You let go." And then it sunk in, "Oh my God, I’m worse than you.” 

Ouch.

Callie turned to Doctor Dawson in confusion. “But I’m not a control freak. That’s never been me.”

“Callie. You’ve been through a lot of challenges these past few years. It’s understandable that, the more that things were out of your control, the tighter you’d hold onto controlling what you could. And sometimes, the only thing we can really control is ourselves.

“It’s my fault.” Arizona said.

“Arizona, it’s not…”

“I’m the one who cheated. I know how much you love me Calliope Torres,” Arizona nodded to herself and offered a watery smile, “I do. Just as much as I love you. But a part of you still can’t trust me to keep you safe. And I am so, so sorry.” 

“No! It’s not you.” And Callie struggled to articulate what it really was. And she remembered all of the times she’d lost control. Shoving Meredith into the locker; yelling at the boyfriend for his girlfriend’s death; shoving Arizona into the shower; crying over the man she’d built legs for; sleeping with Mark; telling all of their friends that Arizona had cheated; and the final, final moment that she’d shoved deep into the depths of her soul, opening the door to their apartment in lingerie, expecting to see Arizona on the other side after her return from Boise, only to find a completely devastated Owen. 

“It’s me. I’m the one who can’t be trusted.” 

\---

**Hospital**

The next few days Arizona tried to give Callie plenty of space and words of encouragement. But after the third time Callie snapped at her for no good reason, enough was enough. Arizona unceremoniously grabbed Callie by the arm and dragged her into an on call room.

“Talk.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Whatever it is just spit it out.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the giant bee that’s crawled up your butt and caused you to sting everyone around you, particularly me.” 

Callie snorted and Arizona softened. 

“Do you know one of the many, many reasons I fell in love with you?” 

Callie’s eyes widened in surprise at this new tactic.

“I fell in love with you because you accept people. Unconditionally. Warts and all. And you know better than anyone that I’ve got a few warts.” Arizona smiled encouragingly and Callie offered a small smile in return.

“When are you going to realize that I accept you too? There is nothing that you could possibly tell me that will make me love you any less.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I need you to trust me on this. Please. No more Band-Aids.” Arizona held Callie’s gaze for a long time and watched sadly as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Callie nodded as she wiped her eyes. “I need some more time.”

“Okay.”

**Therapy**

“She’s never going to look at me the same," Callie said. She'd come alone, and she'd told Dr. Dawson the whole sordid story. 

“You made a mistake. You have done everything you possibly could to protect her from that mistake. But now, your silence is no longer protecting her or yourself.”

“What if she can’t forgive me?”

“I can’t promise you she won’t be mad. Or upset. But it was a long time ago. And you’re both different people now. You’ve come a long way together.”

“We have, haven't we?" Callie said. And for the first time in forever, she allowed herself to hope that just maybe it would all be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling our deeply held secrets can set us free.

**HOME**

Arizona sat on the couch, drinking a glass of wine and reviewing case notes for her upcoming fetal surgery. She’d bounced a couple of ideas off of Herman earlier and was pretty confident in her approach. There was just the minor fact that it had never been tried before. Ahhh, the joys of fetal surgery. She heard the front door open and put down her notes, expecting to be gleefully assaulted by her energetic four-year-old. The unexpected silence caused her to glance up at Callie.

“Please say we didn’t get our signals crossed again and our daughter isn’t all by herself at pre-school thinking she’s been abandoned. I’m not sure we’re going to be able to afford her massive therapy bills.”

“I dropped her off with Meredith.”

“Oh.” Arizona then noticed not just the pizza box, but also the giant bottle of tequila in Callie’s hand and wondered if she was really ready for this conversation after all.

Shoving down her sudden fear, Arizona got up and followed Callie into their kitchen where she grabbed plates while Callie pulled out two shot glasses and lined them up.

“I hope you at least brought some limes.” Arizona said just before she was forced to catch as Callie downed her first shot straight up while tossing Arizona the lime she had hidden in her jacket pocket. As Callie proceeded to take the second shot, Arizona took a deep breath, cut apart her lime, grabbed some salt and motioned for Callie to set her up. They clinked glasses and tossed them back.

\----

Like many times before, Callie and Arizona sat on the living room floor together, backs resting against their sofa, slightly dazed from copious amounts of tequila and a few slices of pizza.

“Callie.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you so much. You know that right?”

“I do.”

“You should also know then, that if I have one more shot, I’m going to pass out. And then we’ll have to do this all over again, and I don’t know if our livers will be up for that.”

“I’m scared.”

Arizona simply waited.

“I uh, I failed you. I failed you in the worst possible way. And I am so, so sorry.”

Callie started to cry, and Arizona swallowed. Hard. She felt her own eyes start to tear up as she saw the shame and misery on Callie’s face. She recognized that face. She’d seen it in her own mirror. And it hurt, oh God it already hurt so badly she could hardly stand it, but she’d promised.

“Honey, why don’t you tell me, and let me decide if any failure has taken place.”

Callie nodded. She glanced longingly at the nearly empty bottle of tequila, but took a deep, shuddering breath and closed her eyes.

“Your plane. It had been, uh, missing for 87 hours and thirty-three minutes when the FAA called. They uh, they said that they were changing the mission from a search and rescue to a recovery.” Callie’s eyes opened and she looked beseechingly at Arizona as a few tears slowly leaked down her cheeks. “They said you were dead.”

Arizona grabbed both of Callie’s hands in hers and held them tightly. “It’s okay. I am here now. We’re here. Together.”

Callie nodded and offered a watery smile before glancing down at their hands.

“I, uh. I didn’t, I think I went a little crazy to be honest. I wanted to be with you. I wanted the world to just stop spinning and let me off. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t do it without you.”

Arizona nodded. She understood that feeling.

“Owen was here. He’d been here the entire time. He came over to tell me that your plane was missing and we waited together. After that call, we uh, we started drinking. And crying. There was…lots of crying. And drinking. Sofia, she uh, she slept through it all.”

Arizona let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. That was it? She could picture it. She understood exactly how it could have happened – the pain and misery and desperation that could overtake a person. She understood that now in a way she wasn’t sure she would have then. She wasn’t happy about it. Duh. But it almost didn’t feel real. It was so long ago.

“You don’t have to say anymore. I understand,” Arizona smiled softly, “I do. And you didn’t fail me. You were simply…doing your best to survive. I mean, you two haven’t been?” Arizona meant it as a joke, but Callie’s pained expression caused Arizona to drop her hands as her mind took off.

Oh God, had they been sleeping together the whole time? Is that why Callie hadn’t really dated anyone? She’d found a new back-up penis? Why hadn’t they just gotten married and had babies already?

But then a small miracle happened. Arizona’s internal crazy making voice stopped. Because no. That wasn’t Callie. Callie wouldn’t do that to her. Ever. Okay then. Deep breath.

“Tell me the rest.”

“A month later. I didn’t get my period.”

“There was a baby?”

Callie nodded.

“You lost it?”

Callie shook her head. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do that to us.”

She’d told no one. She’d buried Mark, and she’d killed her child on the same day. Some days she’d wondered if she’d killed herself along with it. And now she waited. She waited for Arizona to process while she kept her eyes carefully averted. But eventually she couldn’t stand it anymore.

Arizona looked...devastated. Callie would never forget how she’d looked the day she’d told her about the miscarriage. It was just like this.

“Arizona…” Callie didn’t know what else she could say. How she could possibly explain. And when Arizona vigorously shook her head, she didn’t know what she could do. But then Arizona finally looked at her. Really took her in. And then she reached out and took Callie’s face in her hands, and she softly kissed her.

“I love you.”

And just like that, the dam Callie had built around herself brick by brick by brick after _George didn’t love her, Erica left her, Africa, the car crash, the plane crash, Mark’s death, losing their babies, Arizona’s infidelity, Leah, and their break-up_ finally broke. And she wept.

\----

**BEDROOM**

Hours later, after exhausting themselves with tears, Arizona held Callie to her so tightly that it almost felt like they were wearing one skin. She placed soft kisses along her back and Callie moaned encouragement. But then Arizona paused.

“You didn’t come to Idaho. All I wanted, the entire time I was in the woods, was to get home to you. And then you didn’t come to Idaho, and I got scared.”

“I couldn’t. I couldn’t face you.”

“I begged Mark to live. When we were in the woods he kept dying on us, and I kept begging him to live for you and for Sofia. I loved him too. I did. But I.” Arizona stopped, suddenly ashamed now of what she’d believed.

Callie rolled over and faced Arizona, wrapping one arm around her and brushing her hair off her face, her expression warm and loving, “Tell me.”

“I didn’t think I was enough. I was afraid that if you had to choose…” Arizona paused for a second and then she continued, “And then, when I got here, and I saw you. It felt like all of my Calliope had been scooped out. And there was just this shell. And I thought that was why. I thought you were disappointed that it was just me.”

Callie gently lifted Arizona’s chin up and looked right at her. “You. Are. Everything.”

Arizona smiled brilliantly right back and kissed Callie once, and then twice, and then again for good measure, “So are you.”


End file.
